Identity Issues

One saturday morning at Bangalore, all my roommates away, either gone home or to bank or to pay electricity bill, boredom at consummate.I locked my doors and set out. Aim: Avenue road. When Aniyettan at 'shabari' bakery asked where I was going, I shook my shoulders and walked back. Got a bus from Panchayat itself, took a day pass. In Bangalore if you pay Rs.25 you will get a pass which permit you to go anywhere inside the city in BMTC( Bangalore Metropolitan Transport Corporation) buses.

From Wilson Garden stop a young man got into and sat next to me. He was carrying a bag from which he pulled out a bundle of pamphlets. Me out of typical Indian curiosity, peeped into them, they read bold kannada letters, no hope, I gave up. Traffic was so hectic, bus was literaly crawling. I just smiled to him to breed some familiarity and to start a conversation. Now he put his papers back, sat relaxed.

" Hi where you going?" - I tried to suppress my discomfort to start a talk with a stranger.
" I'm to Shivaji Nagar", he stopped abruptly "and how abt u?". His voice was soft and clear and was bit slow. He positioned his hair, his fore head traced a premature baldness.

I didn't tell much about me, he didn't ask either. I was eager to know what those numerous cards and pamphlets meant, which I saw a few minutes before. I asked him what he did, he was a social worker.

"Social worker?!", I wanted to know more. "What all you do?"- I tried not to be over enthusiastic.
" We work among sexual minorities", he replied. I didn't understand what he meant. Minority means those who are less in number, There are two sexes male and female, in India men out number women and may be he is an activist for the welfare of women. My logic pomped. He must have noticed my raising eyebrows, he cleared his point. " We work among transgenders".

"transgenders!!??- who are they?", I have never heared that word ever in my life. "Transgenders means hijadas, kothis, crossdressers, gays, lesbians, doubledeckers, homosexuals and other sexual minorities", he started explaining, " who by birth fall into one gender and out of hormonal imbalances and psychic problems desire to be the other. We work among them, their problems, both from public and the police. We have an organisation 'Sangama', and have office near Shivaji Nagar".

I was struck, my curiosity increased. I have seen a program in Asianet few months back featuring gays and lesbians. I was of the opinion that they must be given psychic treatment. In kerala there are no Hijadas (atleast in public), and my knowledge about them are via news papers and my north indian friends. I was bemused.
" Can I just see your work?", I asked hesitantly.

" Why not, If you are ready I will take you to our office now, better they can provide you with the apt and relevant information regarding this." I noticed the spark in his eyes when those words came out of him.
He introduced himself, Narayan, a malayali by roots, born and bought up in Bangalore, now a full time activist of 'Sangama', later, to my shock, I learnt that he too was a gay!

We reached 'Sangama', a well furnished office working on the third floor of an apartment building which hosts other business establishments, very near to Shivaji Nagar bus stand. Lot of people were there, men and women, busily talking each other, serving snacks, watching television. I was lead to a room which served as a library and a lady was sitting there. She offered me a seat, the very first question she asked me was "..who areyou?", I told my where abouts, but she repeated the question in a different tone, I understood what she meant.

" I'm a male, nothing more or nothing less, I just came to know about the people among whom you works", it was convincing enough I suppose she didnt go deep into my identity or personal.

She briefly explained about the activities of 'Sangama', a well off organisation with multiple offices in the city. They do awareness among public about transgenderism and fight for their rights. They try to establish the fact that this kind of state is not a disorder and is just another existance. They work among hijadas, most of whom are sex workers, to prevent the spread of AIDS and other associated diseases. The organisation have international links and monetary help too. She showed me enough medical records and journals archived in their library to prove her points. She asked me to watch a documentary film screening transgenderism. Introduced some people present, all gays or lesbians, I was chilled, unable to speak.

The way they spoke and behaved, I felt embarassed, they were too open in topics we normally wont talk, but they were comfortable enough. Men who desire to be women, who have male partners, who wish to wear female dress, who have done transplantation surgeries to fulfil their fantacies. There were women with masculine appearence and mind, tough and concrete in attitude, who hate the whole male society, who speak passionately about rights and protection, who demand constitution amendment and legislation for homosexual marriages in step with Netherlands and Germany. I saw the jewel and passion in their eyes while substantiating their points.

The lady at the desk, Sreeja, she explained to me how organised they are and how they do field work. How they keep track of their records, train volunteers and collect feedback. She introduced a foreigner who came there, an activist, from Sweden, to invite delegates from India for an LGBT(Lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders) conference to be held in Denmark coming august. I felt the scale of establishment and character such movements have achieved. My pre mindset about transgenders changed, the whole episode was an eye opening one. I wandered what all happen in the society, just infront of our eyes, without our knowledge, and how differently people think and behave, how they mould themselves to be in the society, how alarming the magnitude of radical thinking and proving be in a traditional social spectrum.

I asked her to show how they do social work and where, she accepted this gladly and asked Narayan to help me. I left 'Sangama' then.

The next day Narayan asked me to come near Dayanand Sagar College, Kumaraswamy Layout, Banashankari. I came. After some time he appeared in an auto, I got inside and we started. I asked him where we are going."I'll show you the places where we work", his voice was rigid and I didn't ask any more. I had a sour feeling whenever I thought about the person sitting next to me., I felt uncomfortable. Auto moved away from Banashankari, crossed the ring road, and started moving to the outskirts of the city. It passed past the metal road and entered a muddy path. Lorries parked on both sides, filthy smell from the nearby field pierced the air. Lorry drivers and other workers cleaning their vehicles, gathered together, eating pans, cracking jokes in loud voice. Some automobile workshops were also seen. Tiny tea shops, I felt as if I reached some remote village in Bihar or Jarkhand(I have never been to any of these states, but my idea about them is some what similar.) For a moment I forgot that I'm in Bangalore, in one of the finest cities of South India. The way lead to a small colony, exactly like slum. I never knew that we were going to a brothel.

I don't know whether I can call it a hut, it was little more than that. A small shop next to it, vegetables and grocery. Shop keeper gave a warm smile to Narayan, he might be a familiar face there. There were lot of such huts, all made of azbestos roofing, walls of baked mud, a public pipe was spotted nearby. Narayan knocked the door which was opened abruptly, a man/woman appeared. Narayan introduced him/her me. Her name was Fathima, a sex worker, male by birth, did organ transplantation, now a woman. I felt the softness in touch and sound when she/he offered his hand, "hello", I wished.

He was wearing female dress,and talked like a woman, mannerism very similar to the fairer sex, but he was never a complete woman, his original name was Ravikiran. Narayan and Ravikiran talked for sometime in rapid fire kannada, I didnt understand a single word. A small boy came with tea, he had three cups, for me, Narayan and the auto driver, I declined politely.

Ravikiran told me about his business, they were 6 people, altogether, all hijaras or cross dressers, and been there for the past two years. He introduced to me his girls there. When I say girls, all men, in female attire, far from seduction, nobody with a little sense will look at them, still they were succesful, have demand!! the way our society think and behave and how we are. It was a small house with compartments inside, there were no doors, open cupboards filled with cosmetics and robes, a disgusting smell of some cheap perfume in the room, I felt suffocating.

" You want any one of us?", Ravikiran amazed me with a sudden question. I was like thunder struck, words stammered inside my throat, I was ashamed, embarassed, exhausted, I looked at the driver and Narayan, I felt the whole ground under my feet moving apart and I'm trapped inside, I camly explained to the creature sitting infront of me why I came there, and convinced that I'm not a customer.

I asked him about his history, his back grounds and social life. He replied in beautiful english. The only son of malayalee parents, both retired government servants. They were from Mattanchery, Fort Cochin, now settled in Bangalore. Ravikiran spend the lion share of his life in Bangalore, studied in a hi-fi college there, a post graduate in English literature. Since childhood he had the desire to be the other sex, and fought with his parents on this issue. He was pursuing his Phd and working as a lecturer in one of the premier colleges of the city when he left the job and started the brothel. He was proud enough to say that each one of them make 2 to 3000 bugs per day and I was stunned to hear that statistics.

" How do police react?" was my obvious doubt. "What police, nobody can touch us, there are our people in all the departments, they will give us correct information whenever any raid is due, more over we pay politicians too. Even if anyone is taken in custody will get them released within hours, that is our network, our customers also help us a lot."- he had clear cut answers for all my queries.

I thanked him and left the place. He didn't forget to ask my number and he gave me his number too. I felt like an embarassing episode was over. I cursed my carelessness not to take my camera on both the occassions.

Transgenderism is an issue that must be adrresed carefully, the scale of black spots and life in our society is unimaginable. This is all about the reduction of individuals into choiceless singularity and hidden duality, simultaneaously.